Fiendish or Super Fiendish?

Dave (Diarmuid Noyes) and his Ma (Maria McDermottroe)

For the next two days we will be shooting at Dave’s House with Dave (Diarmuid Noyes) and his Mother (Maria McDermottroe.) We have 23 scenes in total to shoot. “That’s a lot,” I say to myself. “That’s a shit load!” I reply. The house is situated in a quiet working class neighbourhood in a cluster of houses surrounding as I mentioned before, a big circle of green grass. When we arrive in the morning the grass munching pony is gone and has been replaced by a child’s BMX bicycle wheel. There is no sign of the rest of the bicycle – perhaps the child who owned the bike did one daring trick too many pushing the said bike beyond its capabilities and is likely in bed with at least one leg in plaster eating jelly and ice cream in some nearby children’s hospital.

I know that I have to take the wheel. Given that Dave’s world is meant to have lots of circles in it, I take it as some sort of sign that this film needs this wheel. I give it to Peter, the assistant art director and ask him to bring it with him everywhere he goes. Poor Peter. After the fish incident, he must really think I’m bonkers. As it turns out Peter pushes any opinions of me aside and diligently brings the wheel everywhere, proffering it to me at any opportunity where he thinks I might want to use it. It takes a number of weeks for the wheel to slot into a concrete idea in my head but in the end it finds its place in the film. (I still have it in my garden shed unable to let it go. Peter, would you like it?)

Dave’s house has two bedrooms and is the perfect location except that it is quite tiny and I am convinced that at no stage in its planning was the possibility that fifteen film crew and actors would one day be shooting 23 scenes in it’s miniature rooms ever considered. We spend most of the next two days squeezing past each other smiling awkwardly saying “sorry” or “ ‘scuse me” or “quick, get out of my way, I’m going to faint”

Fortunately, the weather is balmy and when the crew aren’t actually doing something like holding the boom or operating the camera, they can hang outside doing Sudoku. God bless the inventor of Sudoku although on a personal note, I had to give it up after a number of months as I had become so obsessed with it, I was neglecting to do the normal things that one does to exist. Feed myself, feed the child, dress myself, dress the child, talk to people including child and child’s father. An ultimatum was given - it was either them or Sudoku.

Spoil sports.